After I got the details of the wake and the funeral, I started thinking thoughts that will seal my fate about going to hell in a hand basket. But if I am going to hell (and there is NO DOUBT that I am) I just want you all to know that E is going to be right there next to me in the front of whatever vessel it is that will take us there.
Knowing that I was going to be seeing a lot of people from my past, I did what anyone in my position would do.
Now, granted I do not live in Hollywood and this was not going to be an awards ceremony, but I called my trainer and told him that I had to get “red carpet ready” in a matter of 3 days.
Rick (trainer) took my call for help seriously and talked me through a couple of workouts over the phone. I was not able to see him personally before the funeral, but he had me follow a tough regimen anyway. Little did he know that when I had him on speaker while I was on the “treadmill,” I was really just sitting on the couch watching Days and breathing heavy. I also made sure to set the captions option on the tv so he did not hear Sammi John and Marlena which would have been a giveaway that I was not working out.
It was not that I didn't WANT to work out, but the only time that he was available to speak to me on the phone was smack dab in the middle of Days of Our Lives, and this was a pretty big week, so I had to prioritize. Yes, of course I could have Tivo’d it, but there is something about watching a soap opera in real time that makes it that much more believable to me.
Anyway, I finally did see Rick in person the day after the funeral and I think he could tell that I had in fact NOT worked out as I feigned that I did. When I did see him on Thursday he seriously kicked up the routine a notch and even though I received a phone call from a mom that had Adam at her house for a play date, he would NOT let me answer the phone when I was in the middle of my Charlie’s Angels workout. I told him “I HAVE to answer the phone!” And Rick, who is easily 7 feet tall took the phone and held it above his head. He also sped up the treadmill to a ridiculous speed and placed his hand over the emergency stop button, so I could not even get off the freekin’ thing. I was running so fast and reaching for the phone all the while holding one hand over my heart ‘cause I am pretty sure I was starting to go in to cardiac arrest, and my other hand was waving the finger back and forth violently in Ricks general direction and I was yelling “MAKE IT STOP!!!!” To which Rick said “Not a chance, fatty, not a chance.”
He also told me that if I really wanted to lose weight that I really have to stop eating so much. Well note to Rick, I guess I like to eat, and really nothing is going to make me stop. I guess I will just need to increase my workout schedule to three times a week, that may make a difference.
On Friday I drove Ellie to school and she told me that she needed a white sock to make a snowman with in school that day. I told her “Are you SURE it's for today?” To which she replied “NO, it was for yesterday but you didn’t give me a sock then either.”
It is true that I categorically NEVER read notes sent home from the teachers, so I had to believe her. Last year when driving Adam to school I had to pull over and find things that started with the letter “R” because I did not read the note that was apparently sent home about a big “R” project that they would be working on that day. He went in to school that day with a piece of “R”ubber tire, a “R”ock, a w”r”apper (I let his teachers teach him about the silent “w”), and “R”eally gross twig.
Anyway, this go around I had to take my little white tennis sock off of my foot and send it in with Ellie to turn in to a snowman. (Good luck with THAT, suckas!)
I also attached a note to the sock that told the teachers that if the best way to communicate with me would be to “friend” me via Facebook and put it in their status update.
Friday was “Special Person’s Day” in Ellie’s class so I took Adam in with me. It was fun. Let me explain why.
I was the only NON-grandparent there. I was also the only one NOT to bring in a “gift” for the teachers or students that we were visiting. I sent Adam in to the car to get something for Ellie and the teachers. He found a tube of hand cream and a lipstick for the teachers, and a half eaten day old hot dog for Ellie.
Anyway, on Friday afternoon when we returned from school, the monogrammed sweater was at my doorstep.
I wore it to a party last night, and I will wear it to a birthday party tomorrow. I got one compliment on it by another woman who was also wearing a cashmere sweater so that felt good.
I am having company for dinner tonight. I am making roasted chicken, roasted carrots with shallots, sautéed spinach, sautéed string beans, risotto and salad. I will also be serving wine by the bucket –full.