Saturday, February 7, 2009

"R"ed Carpet "R"eady

Okay, I took a few days off out of respect to a friend that tragically lost her husband very suddenly. I did not think it would be nice to post anything during that time.

After I got the details of the wake and the funeral, I started thinking thoughts that will seal my fate about going to hell in a hand basket. But if I am going to hell (and there is NO DOUBT that I am) I just want you all to know that E is going to be right there next to me in the front of whatever vessel it is that will take us there.

Knowing that I was going to be seeing a lot of people from my past, I did what anyone in my position would do.

Now, granted I do not live in Hollywood and this was not going to be an awards ceremony, but I called my trainer and told him that I had to get “red carpet ready” in a matter of 3 days.

Rick (trainer) took my call for help seriously and talked me through a couple of workouts over the phone. I was not able to see him personally before the funeral, but he had me follow a tough regimen anyway. Little did he know that when I had him on speaker while I was on the “treadmill,” I was really just sitting on the couch watching Days and breathing heavy. I also made sure to set the captions option on the tv so he did not hear Sammi John and Marlena which would have been a giveaway that I was not working out.

It was not that I didn't WANT to work out, but the only time that he was available to speak to me on the phone was smack dab in the middle of Days of Our Lives, and this was a pretty big week, so I had to prioritize. Yes, of course I could have Tivo’d it, but there is something about watching a soap opera in real time that makes it that much more believable to me.

Anyway, I finally did see Rick in person the day after the funeral and I think he could tell that I had in fact NOT worked out as I feigned that I did. When I did see him on Thursday he seriously kicked up the routine a notch and even though I received a phone call from a mom that had Adam at her house for a play date, he would NOT let me answer the phone when I was in the middle of my Charlie’s Angels workout. I told him “I HAVE to answer the phone!” And Rick, who is easily 7 feet tall took the phone and held it above his head. He also sped up the treadmill to a ridiculous speed and placed his hand over the emergency stop button, so I could not even get off the freekin’ thing. I was running so fast and reaching for the phone all the while holding one hand over my heart ‘cause I am pretty sure I was starting to go in to cardiac arrest, and my other hand was waving the finger back and forth violently in Ricks general direction and I was yelling “MAKE IT STOP!!!!” To which Rick said “Not a chance, fatty, not a chance.”

He also told me that if I really wanted to lose weight that I really have to stop eating so much. Well note to Rick, I guess I like to eat, and really nothing is going to make me stop. I guess I will just need to increase my workout schedule to three times a week, that may make a difference.

On Friday I drove Ellie to school and she told me that she needed a white sock to make a snowman with in school that day. I told her “Are you SURE it's for today?” To which she replied “NO, it was for yesterday but you didn’t give me a sock then either.”

It is true that I categorically NEVER read notes sent home from the teachers, so I had to believe her. Last year when driving Adam to school I had to pull over and find things that started with the letter “R” because I did not read the note that was apparently sent home about a big “R” project that they would be working on that day. He went in to school that day with a piece of “R”ubber tire, a “R”ock, a w”r”apper (I let his teachers teach him about the silent “w”), and “R”eally gross twig.

Anyway, this go around I had to take my little white tennis sock off of my foot and send it in with Ellie to turn in to a snowman. (Good luck with THAT, suckas!)

I also attached a note to the sock that told the teachers that if the best way to communicate with me would be to “friend” me via Facebook and put it in their status update.

Friday was “Special Person’s Day” in Ellie’s class so I took Adam in with me. It was fun. Let me explain why.

I was the only NON-grandparent there. I was also the only one NOT to bring in a “gift” for the teachers or students that we were visiting. I sent Adam in to the car to get something for Ellie and the teachers. He found a tube of hand cream and a lipstick for the teachers, and a half eaten day old hot dog for Ellie.

Anyway, on Friday afternoon when we returned from school, the monogrammed sweater was at my doorstep.

I wore it to a party last night, and I will wear it to a birthday party tomorrow. I got one compliment on it by another woman who was also wearing a cashmere sweater so that felt good.

I am having company for dinner tonight. I am making roasted chicken, roasted carrots with shallots, sautéed spinach, sautéed string beans, risotto and salad. I will also be serving wine by the bucket –full.

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Friday, January 30, 2009

Clean Berries

So yet ANOTHER snowday. This is becoming a little bit of a joke already. Not that I mind spending the day (AGAIN) with the kids, but they are the ones that need a break from me.

Poor little things could use some interaction with more than each other and more that just me.

There was a little progress made today though, Ellie actually DID clean something. She chose to Windex the fresh strawberries. I think between her and Adam they ate about 7 strawberries each before I realized what they had done.

Poison Control (who I practically have on my own payroll right now) assured me that they would be okay. But they also advised me NOT to allow Ellie to chase the Windex with a shot of bleach as THAT could be toxic. They know her so well….

I was able to at least get Adam to his afternoon enrichment program and the only thing I had to pack him for lunch was an unopened bag of Goldfish. I did not even have anything to pack him as a drink, so I taped a note to the Goldfish bag asking the teacher to allow him to use the water fountain if he got thirsty.

I decided to resign from my volunteer position as the Head of Fundraising at the local museum, effective immediately. Even though I had just cause, the director was not happy with me.

Well, the fact that she has not been happy with me for several months now kind of explains why I was resigning in the first place. I felt like it was a conflict of interest and to make a long story short, I somehow managed to agree to a THERAPY session WITH THE DIRECTOR on Monday.

Please. This is not normal…. I was resigning because I was feeling squeezed out by the director and then all of a sudden I am going to therapy with her?

(There is an “in-house” therapist on staff.) So, on Monday, from 9:15-10:00, while all of you will be doing your normal day-to-day stuff, I will be spending time in a therapy session trying to patch things up with a woman that I will really never need to be seeing again in my life. This is so strange to me. I am still trying to figure out how it all went down and I agreed to do it, but I figure for one therapy session to never have to do one more thing for fundraising there again, it will be worth it.

I actually have a lot of things to discuss with my OWN therapist this coming week, so maybe I will try a little teaser with the session with the director and see how good THIS therapist is. After all, I may as well use Monday’s session to “test drive” a new therapist. Not that there is anything wrong with my current one, but if the situation arises (which it has in a bizarre way), I may as well make the best of it.

Meanwhile Stephen made it home safely in the ice storm the other day. I am glad that I do not have to go back to work now as his insurance policy sucks….

Anyway, I have nothing planned for the weekend… it is the Superbowl and I really do not even give a shit, but I will be making delicious Pizzettas.

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