Thursday, April 17, 2008

Dr. L. Panel

Today Stephen wrote his own ticket to divorce court. And if I were to get a female judge, I would make out like a freekin’ bandit.

We applied for a fence permit for the area in front of our house that runs the perimeter of the road. All we want is a simple white fence, but in this glorious town of ours, we are required by law (and they don’t fuck around) to get a permit.

This morning I came downstairs in to my kitchen to find a note from Stephen attached to the fence application form to “please drop off at town hall.” I quickly glanced over it and this is how he had filled it out:

Address of property: (he gave our address)

Town of property: (he told them the town we live in)

Description of fence: (he did this fairly accurately)

Location of fence: (and the mother fucking moron wrote “Katonah, NY")

I had to cross that out and write “the fence will run along the front property line adjacent to the street."

This was ALMOST as good as the time that Stephen got upset with the local medical group over billing me for a doctor that I had never seen. He said “Didi, who is this Dr. Lipid Panel?”

I said “Lipid Panel??!?!?! LIPID PANEL????!“

He thought that when the lab sent my blood out to be tested and it was charged as “lipid panel “, it was really for an Indian doctor named Dr. Lipid Panel. (He was pronouncing it Lipid Pannell.)

Genius. I married a g-d dammed genius.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

April Fools

Okay All,

At first I was really upset and angry that someone just called my house (1am!) asking for Jeanine (Gina) Funacello. The guy woke me up out of a deep beauty rest and scared the crap out of me. I was not very nice to him (understandably).

As I was stewing in my upsettedness, I realized the time and date. It is officially April Fool's Day, so if it was a prank, I tip my hat to you.

If it was someone really calling for Gina Funacello then Verizon owes me some background information on this Gina chick. If she used to get calls at all hours of the night, then please anticipate another email with yet another change (232!) phone number.

Maybe I'll ask Verizon if I can have a recycled number of someone with a less shady sounding name. Something a little more grandmotherly like Esther Manowitz.

Anyway, I need to go back to bed. Tough day of training and tennis lessons ahead of me. And E confirmed the rumor that the new tennis pro is smoking hot, so I really need to get back to that beauty rest thing!!!

Ciao, ciao.


10 AM

Okay, I just called the number on my caller ID from last night. The same guy (who turns out to be a 20-something sounding kid) answered the phone.

There were young kids in the background, a television blaring and the guy sounded way stoned. He totally sounded like Spicolli from Fast Times. Anyway, I explained to him that while he dialed the correct number, Gina Funacello no longer belongs to that number. He was really nice about it, and I asked him how old Gina is.


Random. It wasn't like he said "in her thirties", or "around 40". Spicolli knew right off the bat that Gina is 39. So I kindly asked that he tell all of his friends not to be calling Shady Gina at that number anymore.

While typing this, Drama just called to tell me that for $14 she did a reverse number check on the kid that called, he either lives in Nyack, or Wappinger Falls. Neither town thrills me. In any case, I think Gina is a questionable character.

I am definitely pursuing the Esther Manowitz option.