Life Insurance

Today is another snow day. In fact, it is snow day #4 for the winter of '08/'09.

The kids have gotten used to the routine. Adam is a whiz at using the toaster oven… he toasts his own bread and then goes into the refrigerator to get his own butter. Ellie has gotten very good at getting in to my china cabinet, liquor cabinet and the cleaning supply cabinet. (G-d forbid she actually then CLEAN anything.)

And I have no problem pushing up happy hour to noon as opposed to the universal 5pm.

Stephen decided to drive in to work today even though the roads are a mess and the forecast is for a decline in weather throughout the day. All the snow is going to be covered in about three inches of ice. This system has already killed 19 people across the country and I am NOT happy that Stephen decided to go in to work.

For two reasons.

#1. He has the original Deed to our house in the car and if the car crashes and explodes, I am assuming that could be trouble. (He has the Deed because we are in the process of refinancing.)

#2 (and this may be the more important reason for me to be upset), his life insurance policy that he has would only cover funeral expenses and enough for me to pay off the house.

I am including a recipe for Garlic Pan Roasted Brussel Sprouts. Adam’s favorite. We will make them for dinner tonight.

Anyway, I am off to do the treadmill as I am super motivated this week to lose weight… E was lucky enough to get the stomach virus which will easily give her a HUGE advantage to the weight loss challenge we have going. I will just have to get myself into her car, and without her detecting it, I will lick her steering wheel….

That will give me hope for next week….

Homeschool

Today was so cold out that I did not even entertain the thought of taking my kids to school. I decided that if ever there were a day to try home schooling, today would be that day.

I started the day with home ec. We made breakfast. Oatmeal with flax seeds. Ellie ate it with brown sugar. Adam flushed it down the toilet.

After breakfast, I had Ellie and Adam drag chairs over to the sink and wash the dishes. Then it was "craft time." We made four pots of homemade play dough. Adam made blue and green, and Ellie made two pots of pink. We sat around the table making dinosaurs and jungle animals. (It was only 8:08 am and I was thinking that if I hurried, I could still make it to their schools by drop off time.)

By 8:15 craft time was over and it was time for lunch. In Europe. But we live in New York, so too early to eat.

I decided it was phys ed. time. I had the kids change in to warm-ups and I changed in to my nicest tennis skirt. I told them to meet in the upstairs tv room with water bottles and towels.

So, by 8:27 am the three of us were in the upstairs room just looking at each other. There was only one treadmill, and I am the fattest, so I got to use it. I had the kids do jumping jacks and push ups while I jogged for 2 miles. (They did not last more than 13 seconds), so while I jogged, I encouraged them to play with Lego's. That worked.

I jogged, then did my ab workout, then my arm workout, and then ran up and down the stairs 5 times in a row. I got back on the treadmill for a 2 minute jog, then more abs and arms, and another 5 stairs.

Then it was time for me to lie on the ground and teach the kids about dialing 911. Which led to a mini lesson about our address, phone number and last name.

It was 9:09 am.

I had the kids make their beds and clean up their rooms, and told them that I would do the same. This was an activity that actually took a while, and I told them "whoever has the cleanest room at the end gets to choose the next activity." (That's probably how teachers decide what comes next in their day too, right? The best behaved/ cleanest kid picks what comes next??!?)

At 9:45, I blew a bull horn (my dad gave me one when I was in college) and I went through the hall way announcing my arrival to their rooms. (They didn't really appreciate the humor in my saying "Police, open up!").

Then I opened up the window and bull horned across the street to my neighbor that I would not be able to make it to her house tonight for book club. (I had to call her about it anyway, and I figured the bull horn saved me a nickel.)

She yelled something back but I could not hear her so I said in to my bull horn "What? I can't hear you.... call me." (Did she really think that I would be able to hear her yelling something to me from across the street WITHOUT a bull horn?)

When the phone rang, I totally screened it because I was busy homeschooling and did not want to take time away from teaching my kids. (I know she hates me and by my not answering the phone when she KNEW I was home probably really sealed my fate with her. However, I got a chuckle out of it.)

After announcing that Adam was the clear winner of the bedroom clean up, he was awarded the honor of choosing the next activity as promised. (I try really hard not to break promises with my kids.)

He chose to play the air hockey game that Hanukkah Harry had given him the night before. That was a good choice and playing that brought us all the way to 10:20 am.

Then Adam asked if we could go outside. I told him it was "too cold." But he really wanted to go outside, so I told him it was "freeze your ass off cold." STILL he did not understand, so I told him "If mommy steps one foot outside in this weather, she will drop dead of a heart attack." To which he replied "That's okay, I know how to call 911."

Wise ass.

I told Adam and Ellie that it was too cold "for realz" and that to prove it, we could do a science experiment. I got three cups of water, let the two of them put food coloring in to their respective cups and I kept my water clear. Ellie made red, Adam made green and we put the cups outside to see how long they took freeze. (I have to tell you, I was quite impressed that by 11am, I had already covered, home ec, phys ed, housekeeping and now science.)

At 11:30 I turned on the television for them. The Princess Bride. They were good to go. I got a little Facebook time in and was able to make some business calls.

When it was lunch time, the three of us sat down to grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches on whole wheat with carrots and celery stix and HUGE blackberries for dessert.

We then did a load of laundry and I taught the kids to sing "It's a Hard Knock Life For Us" from Annie. (That was because they started to whine a little for having to do chores.)

We checked the water an hour and half after we put it outside and Ellie's was the only one that was turning to ice. They asked me why. I had no fucking clue and at that point I was starting to eye the bottle of wine on the shelf, when just then the doorbell rang.

It was the mail man!!!!!! Hallelujah!

The kids thought it was a "special assembly." They asked the mail man a few questions like "Do you get cold?" "Do you like to drive?" "Where do you eat your lunch?" But the all time winner of questions had to be Adam who asked "Can you drive me to school?"

Anyway, the rest of the day went well, it really did.

I turned on the indoor jumping castle, and the kids got their exercise in and after that, they sat and read books for "library time."

They really are good kids and even thought the morning DRAGGED on forever, the afternoon kind of flew. They are asleep now (7:45pm) and I will be turning in too. I will be at the pool by 5:15 in the morning, and then the kids have one day of school before the Christmas break.

Having today under my belt empowered me and I realized that I could do it again if I had to, but to do it for 10 days in a row will be tough. That is why I am so very glad that Christy is home and can babysit for a few hours here and there.

All in all, it was a great day, and I really did have fun. And it proves that I really do have the best job in the world.

However, I could NEVER EVER home school my kids. Not being able to answer the question about ice proved it. And g-d forbid I had to do real math.

Ciao, ciao.

4 + 2 = 5

Okay, in going back and reading my past blogs, I see that I curse an awful lot. My mother would be appalled and would no doubt call in child protective services. However, while I feel that cursing is classless, it is also very cathartic and not meant to hurt anyone.

In fact, I would rather my children curse than use hurtful words.

Last year when we were running late in getting to school, Adam directed Ellie to "get in the car, you fucking loser." I had to tell him that "loser" was NOT a word we use in this house.

Words that are banned from being used in my house are "stupid," shut up," "idiot," "fatty," and "ignorant." Just to name a few.

But cursing does not bother me as much as it does some other parents. Of course the day that one of my kids calls the teacher "fucker", I will have to re-think my logic.

I will try to curb my cursing for these blogs, but when it seems appropriate, I may throw one in.

*******************

Yesterday the kids and I spent a lot of time outside playing in the snow. Well, when I say "a lot of time," I really mean 20 minutes. I froze my tuchus off and invited the kids inside to make potato latkes and have some chicken soup.

I got no takers. Adam told met that he wanted hot chocolate like "all the other NORMAL neighborhood kids", but I really hate giving my kids sugar. So I re-offered the latke and soup invitation and Ellie caved.

Adam decided to stay outside and play which was fine with me. He has gotten very good at making snow balls. (I guess boys and balls go hand-in-hand.) Adam has also perfected the making of snow angels. He is in the imagination stage, so he was 100% fine to be outside playing and creating imaginary snow fight scenarios.

So Ellie and I went inside and started making latkes and chicken soup. (I say "making chicken soup" with liberty... I really just heated some up from a can.)

After an hour, I begged Adam to come inside. "Nope, not yet" he said. I was actually quite impressed with what he had going on out there, so I joined him outside for a while (10 minutes) and then again offered to have him come inside. Still no.

So I offered to give him cheese sticks. (What kid doesn't love cheese sticks?) "No, thank you," he said.

So he continued playing outside. Ellie and I pulled up chairs to the windows to watch him just in case hypothermia started to set in and he started acting weird.

This kid would NOT come inside and it started getting to the point where I was getting concerned. I thought it was too cold outside for extended play, but the mom accross the street with a gaggle of kids decided to just then send her kids outside to play, so of course there was no way I was going to get Adam in at that point.

After ANOTHER hour and 15 latkes later (I did not eat 15, just made 15) I again tried my luck with getting Adam inside. This time he and the neighbor's little shits, I mean kids, belted me with snow balls.

I tried to reason with Adam. It was going on 4 hours of his being outside and I had started to pull up articles of "death by exposure to cold air" on the Internet and the information scared me. I started asking Adam simple questions like "What is your name?" and "Who am I?" He passed those with flying colors but when I started asking him what 4+2 equaled, he came up with 5.

I knew it was time to get this kid inside. According to the article on hypothermia, first your brain freezes and and then it all goes downhill from there.

This time I offered to give Adam hot chocolate (I'm not a fan, but every mother has hot cocoa for their kids somewhere in the pantry). He refused. I offered him a grilled cheese sandwich. I got nothing. Chips? Hanukkah presents? Chocolate gelt?

NOTHING WOULD GET THIS KID INSIDE, so I had to think fast. I said to myself "what would my dad do?"

So I offered him a beer and a Playboy magazine.

Thank g-d Adam gave me a look like "what the f**K??" But then I got nervous that his brain was frozen so I took things in to my own hands and picked him up and brought him inside. Ellie was cheering me on and it turned out that Adam really was very happy to be inside. He ate his latkes and a big bowl of soup. I gave him a nice warm bath and he and Ellie played really well together for the rest of the day.

I was psyched when it was bedtime and I was glad that no Hanukkah gifts had to be spared to lure Adam in. I also asked him after he warmed up "how much is 4+2?" and his answer remained the same. "5." (He is so my kid.) However I was nervous that any moment he would take me up on the offer of a beer.

The only downside to this story is that Adam has the most horrendous cough this morning and I am waiting for the doctors office to open to bring him in. I am just hoping the cough is not pneumonia. The Internet has helped me rule out Hepatitis and Whooping cough. And even E-bola.

Okay, until later.

Ciao, ciao.