Mother of the Week

Okay, so as I write this, Westchester County is again expecting a lot of snow. Somehow I have been elected the local meteorologist by my friends. This has lead to a lot of phone calls and emails inquiring about whether birthday parties should be canceled, dinner parties should be postponed and even one request for where to buy strap-on skis for kids.

(Uhm, for the record, meteorologists do not know the answers to everything.)

However, I do have a live Doppler read on my computer and my blackberry, so I have advised everyone in the greater metropolitan area to cancel all activities.

As for the strap on skis... anything I know about strapping anything on has nothing to do with snow equipment.

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I started my week off strong with a visit to my local fishmonger. I love that he complimented my new hair and then went on to say (when I asked him if he liked my belt) "it's really not your belt I'm looking at." This made my day.

(By the way, I am day 6 in to my South Beach Diet and I have lost 5 pounds, so the next time I go back to the fish market, the guy better ask for my number! Of course I will probably need a driver to take me there as the lack of carbohydrates is making me feel very spacey and constantly buzzed. I better lose the 13 pounds in 2 weeks as promised by this diet or I am going to cry.)

Speaking of losing weight, my trainer called me "obese," "a heart attack waiting to happen," and WORST of all, "fake blond." He has told me that 2009 is the year that he wants to get me in shape.

Well, what was I doing all of 2008???!?!!?!?

I told him that "I do not want to be super thin." To which he responded "we are nowhere even close to having that happen."

Nice guy. I got so pissed at him that I terminated my session and told him I was no longer going to work out with him that day. He threatened to fire me, so I said "fine, can I collect unemployment?"

I actually made him spend the last 15 minutes of the session going through my pantry and throwing a lot of food out.

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Adam had a good week, he is really growing up fast. He has become quite the manipulator. He cried the first two days of the week because he had to return to school after the vacation. In fairness to him, I am responsible for making him cry because I had SUCH a great two weeks having the kids home that I told them both "Mommy is going to miss you both so much when you go back to school. You will have your friends to play with, but poor Mommy will be home all alone missing the two of you and my heart will be aching." So, I think my ability of applying Jewish guilt works.

By the way, Ellie did not cry when she had to go back to school, she celebrated.

Anyway, as I was saying, Adam cried for the first two days that he went back to school and then on the THIRD day school was canceled due to an ice storm and Adam CRIED because he was supposed to have tennis that day and he was DEVASTATED that there was no school. So what do I do???!?!? (in this time of Depression when we should all be saving money) I called and booked a private lesson for Adam which cost a pretty penny. So, not only did I learn that Adam was full of shit about crying over going to school, I then got suckered in to signing him up for weekly private lessons at the club. He starts on Monday. The only cool thing about it is that Chevy Chase takes lessons at the same time and will play on the court next to Adam.

Speaking of celebrities, I was hired this week to teach private cooking lessons to a local celebrities wife. So that should cover the cost of the tennis lessons. (G-d forbid I actually earn money and SAVE some.)

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The previously mentioned ice storm brought on a whole new level of education to me as a meteorologist. I was not understanding how it freezes rain at 29 degrees and not snows. So, kudos to my friend Jen for teaching me about "temperature inversions and cold weather climates." She did a great job at making me understand why it was ice rain and not snow at that temperature (the rain falls as snow from a cloud but then it travels through a different weather front at a high rate of speed and then it enters another (colder) front, becomes supercooled and continues to earth as freezing rain.)

Good stuff. Now tell me why it snowed two days later at 34 degrees!!!!!

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Yesterday I was the "mom of the week" for Ellie's class, but due to my drinking on Thursday night, I was a bit hung over and came to Ellie's class totally unprepared for the my duties as "MOTW."

I think I may have reeked a little bit of booze.

I also said to one of the kids "whatever you say, but I think it looks like crap" when he showed off to me a little drawing he was so proud of that he described as being his family.

And when it came to my reading the special book I was supposed to bring in to read to the kids (which I totally forgot), I had the three year olds huddle around me and I did a read aloud of all my emails from my blackberry.

I have no doubt that some of the kids learned a whole new vocabulary from my "book."

Anyway, today is Saturday and I have a LOT to do.... but I just wanted to catch you all up.

Cheers.