Thursday, January 22, 2009

What Goes Up...

So, today being Thursday, I worked out with my trainer.

I now know what he is training me for… it is quite obvious.

The Special Olympics.

First of all, I must tell you that I have rug burns on my elbows. He had me do so many g-d dammed 'Up Downs' or 'Down Ups' that I literally burned my elbows because, unlike E, I do NOT have a home gym, and we just use our upstairs TV room that has very thick carpeting.

What is a 'Down Up/ Up Down' you are wondering? It is when a fatty like me lies down on the ground, and does a “special” push up. The last time E was with me and I did them in front of her, she laughed out loud and told me I looked like a platypus. Well, excuse me Miss I-can-do-a-one-handed-push-up-while-clapping-in-between, all the while belaying off of a bouncy ball. (E takes training very seriously; and it shows while I just do it so I can eat bread at lunch.)

Anyway, what I would imagine that I look like while doing a 'Down/Up' thing would be a pot bellied pig trying to do a push up while keeping its back legs extended straight out and all its weight being supported by its toes, with its ass in the air (even though my back should be straight and level with my head)

Anyway, Rick had me do a few thousand sets of 'Down/Up' things because we were “strength training” today.

He then had me get on the treadmill for sprints. AND he had me run up and down my stairs several times in a row (6 times to be exact). AND he told me that he would not let me take a break. We did this crazy routine for an hour of switching off from treadmill to stairs, to 'Down/Ups' to abs and then started the whole routine all over again. We did the routine 6 times in an hour.

I literally grabbed his arm and hand at one point while on the last treadmill go-round and made him shout “YOU CAN DO IT!!!” And when I got off the treadmill I fell to the ground and begged him to leave. But then I said “NO, you have to stay in case I have a heart attack.”

At least he complimented me on the workout which is something I have not heard in a while.

After he left I felt so good that I had a sandwich for lunch with TWO pieces of bread, 14 tablespoons of mayonnaise and 13 ounces of turkey. I also had a 1 ounce glass of water.

I continued to treat myself by sitting on the couch to watch Days of Our Lives. I figure with this kind of training routine, I should lose 3 pounds by March.


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