Thursday, December 11, 2008

Pain in the Neck

Okay, I am writing this after my training session, but before my meeting.

I thought getting a great workout in before meeting with the club owner would be a good know, get my adrenaline pumping and what not.

Big fucking mistake.

I can not even get myself dressed now from after showering. Bending down hurts and I am just going to have to wear a towel to the meeting. Luckily towels do not require being lifted over my head, and I can wear flip-flops which do not require tying, so I am good to go.

Of course I will look like an asshole, but I ain't afraid.

My fatal mistake with the trainer was telling him that my neck is very sore from the swimming (I figured that me get me out of all things cardio), but he seemed to not give a shit, and promised to stretch my neck out at the end of the session.


BTW, I work out at home with him (kind of intimate but NOT weird) and we had the XM Satellite on. Well, after the treadmill he had me go immediately in to front squats (legs open) while pushing a big heavy medicine ball out with my arms. As soon as I squated down wouldn't you fucking know the lyric "touch me right here" came on. OY!!!!! So what do I do? I start laughing hysterically and made a mountain out of a molehill.

We completed the session (after a good hour of my complaining) (and my changing the station to a classical music station) (no lyrics) and it was time to get stretched.

He stretches me after every session, and so I know that when I see that black table come out of the bag and get unfolded he is going to stretch me. At this point I am way beyond the sexual violation part that I thought was so unusual the first time he stretched me.

For the record I used to train with him at 5:30 in the morning and my kids would watch. Just from watching the stretching alone, they now know all they need to know about sex, so I will NOT have to have THAT conversation with them in future years. (Of course my trainer and I are always fully clothed, but lets just say he takes his job of stretching very seriously.)

Anyway, because I mentioned my stiff neck today, he changed up his stretching routine. Of course I was lying down on the table, and he started by stretching my head and neck to the right and left sides of my body (as would be expected), BUT THEN HE LIFTED MY HEAD FROM BEHIND, and pushed my neck in to my chest.

All I know is that I will call my doctor later and tell her that I just preformed my own mammogram.

I have never been so up-close and personal with my breasts. I now feel like I have to buy myself dinner tonight, it just feels like the right thing to do.

I totally got to second base on myself and it was NOT what I was expecting to do today.

Okay, I am off to the meeting.

Until later.

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